Self Care

Read time: 2 mins.

Brushing the thin marker across Lexi’s upper eyelid, using her laugh lines as my template for drawing the Amy Winehouse wings she liked, felt the same as painting ceramic figurines as a child. The beauty created itself as the brush fell into the figure’s corners and creases, it just took someone to pick the colors and hold the brush. This only felt more stressful because it was a living person’s face, and that person needed to recognize their soul in whatever I drew.

I should’ve reflected less and watched my strokes more.

“I’ll have to redo this one,” I said, reaching for the makeup remover. “I know the eyes are sisters, not twins, but right now they look more like angry exes.”

“Don’t stress it, Thomas. We’re not going anywhere tonight anyway, so no one has to see if we can’t get it right in time.”

“But you wanted to take pictures, and there’s no telling when we’ll have the house to ourselves for long enough again.”

I got it right the second time and gave myself a little smile as a treat. The eyebrows and lipstick proved easier because I didn’t let myself think about them.

“Thomas,” Lexi asked, “why is this the first time you’ve shaved all week?”

“Because you hate me with facial hair.”

“But you also hate you in facial hair. Like, you hate facial hair more than I do. I’ve seen you shave to take the trash out in case someone passed you on the sidewalk.”

I let a sigh escape. “It just didn’t feel worth the effort till it was for you. I never completely get rid of the shadow anyway, and even if I did, it’s still not like I can go out with the face I want.”

“But you can get close. Having most of that face is better than having none of it, right?”

I nodded weakly. I finished her makeup with a coat of powder, then distracted myself from my thoughts by selecting a blouse and jewelry. Putting on the earrings meant walking back to the mirror.

I’d only gotten one clipped on when Lexi said, “You do realize you’re still me, even when it doesn’t show, right?”

My reflection had a point. Maybe remembering it would help. I’d find out in the morning when it came time to shave again. Tonight I had pictures to take, while I still liked my face.